What Did He Just Say????? (Winter 2010)Posted on 24 Aug, 2011
Here is a little report I wrote last year about Haydn's unusual use of language.
Enjoy...
I want to lighten the mood and talk a little bit about the way that Haydn wields the English language. No cheesy moments here. No heartstrings will be tugged. We are basically going to be laughing at a child with "special needs" (not my term) for a little while, so if you are sensitive about this type of thing - GO AWAY.
Sometimes it feels like Haydn started talking about five minutes before he was born. He just talks and talks and talks. Making speeches, barking orders, politely asking for things, making decrees. As soon as he thinks it... it's halfway out of his mouth already. He is dead literal in his thinking, and has very little concept of double or implied meanings in language. He has a loud, clear speaking voice, which allows his often painfully inappropriate comments to resonate through the air as clear as a bell.
* Let's go back about a year or so. The former BCBA from the school district comes to the apartment for a home visit. She and Haydn are working on one of his million tiny stimmies. She is a little less than slim. Haydn stops what he is doing and walks right up to her, puts his hands on her stomach and asks:
"Dr. S. Do you have a baby in your tummy?"
Luckily for me, I happened to walk up the stairs just in time to see this little show. I immediately whipped my cell phone up to my ear, faked a conversation, and laughed my butt off.
* Haydn does not look at things, or investigate a situation. Haydn thinks he needs to "check" them. Anywhere there is a room I don't want him to enter. There is a always a reason to "check" something.
"Hey Daddy-o. I think I better check the furnace room at Grandma's house."
"Hey Daddy-o. I think I need to check the gas tank on the car. Just a peek."
"Hey Daddy-o. I think it's time to check places."
* He is also a conversation speed bump. He has the incredible ability to stop a conversation dead in it's tracks.
"Haydn, how was your day at school."
"It was good Daddy-o." Off to a good start
"What did you do at school today?"
"School things." Still not too bad
"Haydn. Would you please tell me one of the things you did at school today?"
"I did my handsome writing. (That would be neat handwriting) Do you think the great big fans at Ikea are going fast? Noooo, they are not going fast. I think they are going medium. They go fast in the summer, but I think they go medium in the winter. Yes they do. Can I have some fruit snacks?"
Right... Must get fruit snacks...
* Haydn also has a very distinctive style when making a statement. He will make his decree, and reaffirm it immediately afterward, making it a Haydn Law, not to be questioned.
"I like Mr. Jim's awesome lights. Yes I do."
"I'm happy. Yes I am."
"I don't want to eat pork tonight. No, I do not."
* Haydn has recently decided to add some silly language play to his repertoire. Clever word play in Haydn's World generally involves changing the first letter of any word. And repeating it. Over and over...
"Hey Daddy-o. Where's Gommy?" Giggling...
"Excuse me. I don't know what that means."
"Where's Jommy, Daddy-o?" Laughing a little harder...
"Haydn, clearly I am not as bright as you are. What are you talking about?'
"Daddy-o, where's Dommy?" Roaring now, no chance of anything productive happening for a while...
You can see where this is going. Unless Mommy comes walking around the corner, or some coyote drops an anvil on his head, he will keep this up FOREVER.
* His wacky, literal mind always makes for a good laugh.
One night at dinner:
"Hey Daddy-o, can I have some ice cream?"
"You can have some as soon as you finish your bowl."
"Noooo. I can't eat my bowl Daddy-o. Only my pasta."
* Haydn also has developed a brilliant way of defusing a situation when he is caught doing something he should not be doing.
"Haydn. Why are you standing on that bed, on your tiptoes and reaching for the string to turn on the fan that I told you not to touch?!?!?!"
"It's OK, Daddy-o. You don't have to be mad."
Big smile. He knows he's got this one in the bag.
That's it. Every time. How do you argue with that?
How about this one...
Haydn is jumping on the couch. I told him not to (about nine times), but he is still jumping on the damn couch.
"Haydn!!!! What are you DOING?"
"Hey Daddy-o, do you know me?"
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Stay alert, could be a trap
"Do you know me Daddy-o?" Trying to use some kind of Aspie mind control...
"Of course I do, Haydn."
"It's ok Daddy-o. You don't have to be mad."
These aren't the droids we're looking for...
* Whenever Haydn sees something that he likes - he tells us that he needs it for his room.
"Hey Mama, I think I need that chandelier for my room."
"Daddy-o. Let's get a great big fan for my room."
"I think I need a wind turbine for my room."
"Hey Daddy-o, I think I need to get a new fridge for my room."
"I think I'm going to bring that waterfall home for my room."
* Haydn has a rather unique way of describing things that he encounters for the first time. When asked what he is doing, looking at, stimming on, his response is: "I never met this..."
For example...
Haydn and I are hanging out in the Target toy aisles. He is sitting on the floor with a baby toy. He is flipping the switches on and off (a little sneaky stimming) and laughing.
"Haydn, let's get away from the baby toys and check out some big boy stuff."
"It's OK, Daddy-o. I never met this kitchen toy before."
A new episode of Phineas and Ferb comes on, and Haydn is rolling around on the floor and laughing.
"I like this new Phineas and Ferb. I never met this one."
Haydn walks up to a new door. A door he is determined to open.
Most likely a door he is not supposed to open.
"Hey Daddy-o. I think I need to check this door. I never met this door."
* Haydn and I are out doing a little mall-ratting and he needs to go potty (incidentally, at what age does the cutesy potty talk stop and does the boy get to man up and take a crap?), we go to use the family bathroom. Haydn walks in, raises his left hand and makes this decree... at the top of his lungs, of course:
"I'm too big for the lowercase (kid-size) potty. I can use the uppercase potty and you can use the lowercase potty. Don't SIT on the lowercase potty Daddy-o. You will break it... you're too big. yes you are."
If you were to hear this through the door it would certainly paint quite a picture.
There are no secrets in Haydn's World.
* Any day, any place. Haydn and I are walking, there are other people walking too. He walks up to a random victim, and through his Aspie megaphone:
"Hey man, Do you like your big head!!???"
* When he was younger he would take a part of what I said and turn it into the literal opposite meaning in an attempt to confuse me and make me give in.
A little while became a big while, down became up, it did not matter what I said, if he wanted something else he would spin it and hit me with a quexclamation. (if you don't know quexclamation - welcome to Haydn's World - now go read some older posts)
* Christmas is coming. The Christmas calendar is up on a shelf - Not to prevent Haydn from eating the chocolate (he hates chocolate), but to keep him from taking the whole calender apart and eating the paper.
"Daddy-o, can I have that Christmas calendar?"
"No, Haydn. You can have it on December 1."
"Daddy-o, this is my calendar hand."
"I don't really know what that means little man."
"Daddy-o, why is my calendar hand empty?"
Riiiiight.... calendar hand
* For some reason when he is playing with his best pal Ellie he refers to her by the color of her clothes.
"I want to play the ball game with Pink!"
"I want to go to Miss Peggy's house to see Green. Yes I do."
At the Super Bowl party this year, Ellie was wearing a checkered dress...
"Hey Daddy-o, I'm chasing Blue and Red!"
* First thing in the morning. Well rested, Haydn bounces in and comes into bed to kiss us and announce the arrival of another great day. He usually follows his kiss with the morning's decree - pretty much first thing that pops into his head loudly stated for all to hear.
"Good morning Daddy-o. Good morning Mama."
"Good morning big guy. Please keep the blankets on."
"OK Daddy-o. Today is Saturday. I don't have school on Saturday. No school on Sunday. I might have school on Monday. Monday is gym day. Can we go to the movies now?"
All the while kicking the blankets off of his sleepy parents...
"Haydn. We are not going to the movies yet, please don't ki..."
"I don't want to don'tki." He starts to contradict me before I even finish talking
"I don't know what that means Haydn."
"Can I watch the Hoberman Associates video on the iPad?"
"Not right now kiddo."
"We going to the movies now?"
"Haydn, we are going to go the movies later."
"Later today?"
"Let's go make breakfast Haydn."
"It's OK, Daddy-o. You don't have to be mad."
* Haydn will, of course, spend as much time as possible discussing fans, fans, and more fans. It's a bit of an obsession, so we have to try to keep it under control. (At least we try...)
We'll pick up this conversation after a solid ten minute discussion about Grandma's fans...
"Haydn, I don't want to talk about fans right now."
"OK, Daddy-o."
"Hey Daddy-o, do you love Grandma?"
"Of course I do."
"Can we go see Grandma on Sunday?"
"I'll call her later and find out."
"Later today??" No concept of time, but that's a story for another day...
"Yes, Haydn. Later today."
"Do you think Grandma likes her kitchen fan on?"
There you have it folks - back to the fan... Six degrees of fan-versation.
* It can be very difficult to get an accurate description about his day from Haydn. Questions are answered on occasion, but other times they just give him an excuse to start talking about what he wants. But one of the interesting things Haydn does is have little conversations with himself. It is a sneaky way to get a little peak into his life. If you listen closely, you can pick out the facts and learn quite a bit about his day.
"I like lowercase m better."
"Today we are going to do lowercase m."
"Lowercase m is better."
See.. Did a little letter m stuff in school today
"Did I run fast in my sweats? I did. I ran fast in my sweats in gym in the morning. I run fast in my sweats on Friday too."
Gym today, good to know
"Why do I like the Hoberman Sphere? I like the Hoberman Sphere because. I. Like it. I think Daniella is going to be at Liberty Science Center. Noooo, Daniella is not going to be at Liberty Science Center. There is a wind turbine at Liberty Science Center. Yes there is. Did I turn off the color lights in the girls dressing room at Nordstrom's? No I didn't. I think I did. I like my Hoberman Sphere. Yes I do. It gets big."
What we learned here is Haydn wants to go back to Liberty Science Center, he has a little bit of a crush on some chick named Daniella, and the little bastard killed the lights at Nordstrom's when I wasn't looking. Oh, and he still likes his Hoberman Sphere
Takes some time, but with a little work anyone can speak Haydn-ese.
Before we leave, I would like to present the Gettysburg Address of awkward, inappropriate comments.
Haydn, Mommy, and I are visiting his new kindergarten classroom on back to school night. We get to meet Mr. Flynn, all the classroom aides, and the parents of some of the other kids in the class. We arrive a little early, just in case Haydn feels the need to check the bathroom, or the lights, or the office..., but I learn that when in school, Haydn is all business. He listens intently to his teacher when spoken to, and follows directions perfectly. He is on his best behavior.
While I am talking to another parent, Haydn walks up to one of the other moms and asks...
"Do you like your brown face?" ???????!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!
Silence.
Painful, awkward silence.
"What did he just say?"
I am too busy holding my breath and trying not laugh to do anything to help this situation. Luckily Mommy steps in and tries to put out the fire.
"He said he likes your brown shirt."
That's it? We're going with 'he likes your brown shirt?'
"Oh. OK."
I can't believe she bought it.
Haydn's wonderful perspective and creative use of language makes every day a little funnier and more interesting than the day before. He talks around the topic, inside the topic, sometimes he just grazes the topic, and other times he just barrels through the topic. I never know what he is going to say next. His language is getting more pragmatic-ish and he is getting better at conversations every day. It is a lot of fun chatting him up now. I imagine he will stay unpredictable and off the wall for a little while longer. So I will enjoy the madness while it lasts. As long as he is not self-conscious about it, I could care less how twisted up and goofy his language is. He works very hard, and I know he will overcome this challenge, just as he has overcome every other one he has faced in his young life.
Because Haydn can do anything he sets his mind to. Yes he can.
Tags:
Asperger's Syndrome,
Humor,
Parenting,
Autism Spectrum Disorder,
speech therapy,
pragmatic language disorder,
inspiration
