Finding out that their child is diagnosed with autism causes parents to experience dozens of different and difficult emotions at once. Remembering that this is a normal reaction and that many parents have experienced the exact same thing is reassuring and can help immensely through the tough times. Also, it is important to remember that not all parents react to the news in the same fashion. There is no right answer, no correct formula for coping with a diagnosis of autism, but parents do share disappointment and anguish, and supporting other families like your own is essential for coping.

 

As a parent, it is only natural to want to protect and nurture your child. The diagnosis of autism may make parents think that they have done something wrong. Even though doctors and therapists tell them that there was nothing they could have done to give their child autism, they may still blame themselves. One possible reaction of parents is to go into a state of denial and do all that they can do to convince themselves that their child is perfectly healthy or that their child will soon grow out of the disorder . This is a natural and common reaction, but if the state of denial lasts for an extended period of time, it can lead to even greater problems. This denial may lead to a delay in treatment. As written in other parts of this website, getting an early start on treatment seems to be one of the most important things a parent can do. Early interventions show the best results, so acceptance of a diagnosis and jumping into action is the best option for a parent.

 

Many parents feel that since they are responsible for giving birth to their diagnosed child, they should feel just as responsible for bringing the child into the world with autism. Parents begin thinking that maybe their child’s diagnosis was something that was triggered during the mother’s pregnancy or shortly after the birth of the child. However, there is not a single piece of evidence that the mothers of children with autism are different from mothers of children who are not diagnosed with autism. What can make matters even worse is the finger pointing, or spouses blaming one another for their child’s autism diagnosis. This is not only unproductive, but can tear apart the bonds of a relationship or marriage. There is no evidence, period, indicating that there is a parental cause of autism, so parents should spend their energy on determining how to better their child rather than trying to figure out if they have done something wrong to cause the diagnosis.

 

Anger is also a danger. It can also pose a threat to the marriage of parents of a child diagnosed with autism and cause tension within the rest of the family. Parents’ tireless efforts to deal with their child’s diagnosis, therapy, and personal life can build up a lot of frustration and fire within a parent. In these situations when the stress becomes so unbearable, it is ok for a parent to take a step back from everything and claim some guilt-free time as his or her own.

 

Another difficult state that parents experience once they have fully accepted their child’s diagnosis is the depression and isolation. Naturally, parents are dismayed after hearing the news of the diagnosis. An additional burden is placed upon parents, though -- because of their child’s difference, parents also begin to feel left out from society and social groups. Many parents who were once very active in their community must now begin to alter their focuses and activities so that more time and effort is spent on the development of their diagnosed child. Parents may begin to feel separated from the other mothers at school, because their child is not like all the other children, and the child may develop slower than the other children will. The most important thing for a parent to remember is that they are not alone in this battle, and that there are many other parents in the same situation out there dealing with the same thing. The ideas behind this website were to inform parents or anyone who wants to know more about autism, and most importantly to unite the parents and family members whose lives are actually affected by autism. Thus, TheAUTSPOT is one great, big, family, and we encourage all parents and family members out there who feel this sense of loneliness or isolation to link up with the members on this website and get the necessary support, comfort, and motivation.

 

Sources:

 

[Koegel, Lynn Kern Ph.D. and Lazebnik, Claire. Overcoming Autism. New York: Penguin Books, 2004. pp. 12-17]