One of the most challenging aspects of life for those who are diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders is being socially active. Even the highest-functioning people with ASD have a lot of trouble with social interactions. This can make life challenging, because social communication is such an essential part of life. However, there is hope. Though many children on the spectrum do struggle with their social lives, there are a number of tools and tactics that, if implemented early enough and appropriately, will allow them to develop an impressive social capacity.

The first step in the process involves getting the child involved in the activities in which his peers participate. This requires a lot of homework on behalf of the parent or guardian. A first step in gaining a better understanding of child activities is to take your child to the playground, sporting events, arcades, and wherever else children of the same age congregate, and pay very close attention to what the other children are doing and how they interact with one another.

The next thing to do is to make these same types of observations of your own child. Observe how your child speaks and interacts with the children around him/her when in these social settings. Your child may not even attempt to speak or interact with the other children at all, and this is okay for now. At this point, it is only necessary that you observe and take very detailed notes on how similarly and differently your child behaves compared with the children around him/her.

It is likely that you will notice differences between your child’s interactions and the other children. There is always a reason why your child is not behaving like the other children. Knowing why your child acts differently will allow you to decide the appropriate teachings necessary for social progress:

            Misbehaving to get some attention

You may notice that during social situations, your child chooses to act up or misbehave rather than playfully get involved with their friends. However, this act is likely to be simply your child’s attempt to get attention from his/her peers. Many children with autism just don’t understand how to approach other kids. Unfortunately, this lack in social skills may cause a child with autism to result to misbehavior to initiate social interaction. The good news is that, if you observe these behaviors in your child, it shows that he does have an interest in being social and reaching out to peers. However, he just doesn’t understand the correct way to approach the situation. This is where parent and teacher training come in. The child must be taught more appropriate ways to initiate social contact.

First, teach your child to say simple, introductory phrases to get himself or herself involved in different activities. Examples: “Let’s swing.” (“Let’s go on the swings.”) or “Throw ball!” (“Let’s throw the ball!”). The phrases should be short and simple at first in order to avoid, or at least limit the frustration your child may experience in learning and applying these new requests. In order to ensure that your child gets a positive response and cooperation from their peers, meet with your child’s teacher. Ask the teacher to speak with other children in the class ahead of time and explain that the child with autism will be actively asking to play with the other children during playtime, and that the other children should agree to include the child in their play activities. This will allow your child to see immediate success in his/her newly developed social skills, and will encourage your child to continue to use these skills. At times, he or she may not have to say anything at all to get involved in the game. But it is important for you or your child’s teacher to analyze the situation, see the appropriate way in which all the other children are joining in each activity, and help the child to learn the appropriate way to enter a playground game.

             Misbehaving to avoid Social Interaction

Another behavior you may have noticed is that your child often misbehaves during social situations in order to scare children away and avoid all social interaction with them. This social issue must be approached differently. In this case, you’ll need to find a way to coax your child into social situations. You must encourage your child to develop less offensive behaviors and language during social gatherings. You can teach your child to mirror the words and actions that peers use, and constantly reward your child for making attempts to be social. Slowly but surely your child will begin to adopt these new social skills, and will naturally gain more confidence and comfort when engaging with peers. 

Along with good communication and social skills, fitting in with peers requires keeping up with trends and mirroring the styles that other children are expressing. Go to your child’s school and pay close attention to the children’s physical appearance and the style of clothing the children are wearing. In addition, take note of the types of items kids bring to school, such as backpacks and lunches, and have your child adopt these things as well. 

 This same concept also applies to the types of toys a child plays with. Find out the kinds of toys and games other children your child’s age enjoy, and work on motivating your child to find enjoyment in these same resources. Spend some extra time teaching your child how to play with these toys appropriately, and involve toys that encourage sharing and taking turns.

·        The first step a child must master in conversational speech is figuring out the appropriate time to enter a conversation. The first lesson is that a child should wait until there is a pause in the speech before saying anything. 

·        A child should also get familiar with calling out the names of the peers to get their attention for speaking. If the child has trouble remembering the names of his or her classmates, it is not a bad idea to create flashcards of pictures of classmates to help your child to remember their names.

·        When an opportunity presents itself, your child can begin a conversation by making a simple compliment. Your child can point out something that one of his/her peers is wearing, and bring it up as topic of conversation. For example, a child can simply look down towards one of his/her friend’s feet, and say, “Nice shoes,” or “I like your shoes.” The child can expect a good response, because everybody likes compliments and it is only polite to thank somebody for their kindness. However, be careful when teaching this tactic, because your child could take this conversation starter too far and begin complimenting everything, which would then annoy classmates and make them stop believing compliments. This tactic should be practiced at home, and you should focus on spreading out the compliments if overuse becomes an issue. Lunch or snack time is another great opportunity for children to bring up topics to talk about. Much of child dialogue at school happens at the lunch table, and it revolves around the food that the children eat. Pack your child’s lunch box with fun snacks and treats that children enjoy eating and talking about. Parent should get their child comfortable saying simple phrases, such as “I got cookies,” or “Wow, these cookies are good!” Encourage your child to use a similar type of language to bring attention to the other children’s food around the table as well. Also, pack some extra snacks for your child so he or she will be able to share with other children at the table. Sharing food encourages everyone to be friendlier.

·        Many children, especially those who are diagnosed with autism, lack the empathy and political correctness factors that are important for conversational speaking. Many children with ASD say offensive or rude things and have no idea that that they have said anything wrong. So, it is important to teach your child socially accepted topics and views, and familiarize your child with different emotional expressions in order for your child to be able to interact with others appropriately.

·        If your child is verbal, but finds it challenging to interact with peers, you could make it a task or goal for your child to interact with at least one other child each day. You should teach and encourage your child to use the simple opening phrases to initiate conversation. As time goes on, and it seems that your child has gained some comfort in speaking to one child a day, keep increasing the number of social contacts the child should make on a daily basis. This will not only help your child become a more active speaker, but will help the child become more familiar with the names and faces of many of his or her peers. Fortunately, social interaction is something that develops over time, and even though a child may not be that socially active from the beginning, he or she will usually become more willing to do so as time unfolds. In addition to encouraging peer interaction, you can make a weekly habit of taking your child into various stores with you as you run errands. In each store, the child’s task would be to start a conversation with one person who works there. The conversation can be either to accomplish a purpose (such as buying something), to find out more information, or simply to exchange pleasantries (also good practice).

Make a point of speaking to your child in the home, and practice all the techniques mentioned above. Don’t be afraid to be creative and implement your own techniques and training to help improve communication and social interaction. Children are usually much more comfortable at home, so setting up play dates and events with peers within the home may yield good results. Make contact with other parents and explain to them what you are trying to help your child to learn. Most other parents are understanding and will be willing to encourage their own children to be a helping hand in your child’s development. 

[Koegel, Lynn Kern Ph.D. and Lazebnik, Claire. Overcoming Autism. New York: Penguin Books, 2004. pp. 133-147, 154-159, 165]